In my mid-20s, my parents convinced me to buy a house. They insisted, I should have my own house before my family expands. Like a diligent son, I followed their advice—invested all my savings, took on a substantial home loan, and became a homeowner.
Fortunately, things worked out well. But looking back, I know I made that decision purely out of parental pressure, not financial prudence. At the time, I had other investment opportunities that might have been more suitable for my age and risk profile. Yet I never questioned their advice or explained my own financial thinking.
We often make financial decisions based on family expectations rather than our personal financial strategy. And more importantly, we rarely have honest conversations about money with the very people whose opinions matter most to us.
A few weeks ago, we unpacked one of the toughest conversations in any family—how to talk to your kids about money. (If you haven’t had the chance to read it yet, I’d encourage you to go read it)
So, this week we are flipping the tables. If the last one was about talking to children about money, this one is about sitting across the table with our parents and having honest conversations about money—both theirs and ours.
Here’s what we will cover in this edition:
- Their money: how to open the conversation without overstepping
- What we see in 500+ wealthy families: the patterns that matter
- The age-based conversation framework that actually works
- Your money: resetting their expectations about your reality
- The one-month family finance challenge
Let’s dive in.
How to talk to your parents about their money
Before we get into frameworks, let me say this as plainly as I can: there is no their money and your money. In an Indian family, it is all family money. Parents may have built it, children may eventually manage it, but the purpose is collective. The only reason I’m using “their money” and “your money” here is to make the conversation easier to navigate.
When it comes to parents, cracking the approach is critical. Most of us already have a fair sense of where their money might be parked. What usually holds us back is not the subject itself, but the fear of how our parents might perceive the question.
Here are three practical entry points:
1. Start by asking about their comfort
Frame the conversation around their comfort. Instead of “How much do you have in FDs?”, try “Are you confident your savings will cover all your needs comfortably?” Leading with empathy makes the exchange less about scrutiny and more about support.
2. Let them share the stories behind their choices
Parents are often more comfortable sharing experiences than balance sheets. Ask how they managed finances in their early years, what shaped their choices, or which decisions they’re proud of. Stories serve as a natural blend into today’s realities.
3. Frame it as teamwork
Position yourself as a partner, not an auditor. A simple line like, “I want to make sure we’re prepared as a family if any situation arises,” reassures them that the goal is unity, not interference.
Once the door is open, it helps to have a structure so the conversation does not drift. One framework I often suggest is the 4C model — a simple way to hold ground without making things uncomfortable.
The 4Cs of talking to parents about money:
- Context – Begin with why you’re bringing it up. “I’ve been reviewing my own finances, and it made me realise we’ve never had this discussion as a family.”
- Comfort – Check how they feel about their situation before asking about numbers. “Do you feel your savings will support the lifestyle you want?”
- Clarity – Move gently into essentials like retirement planning, insurance, or where key documents are. “If something urgent came up, would we know where everything is kept?”
- Continuity – Don’t treat it as a one-off. Close by agreeing to revisit the discussion regularly. “Why don’t we make it a habit to check in every few months?”
Securing the foundation
As parents grow older, new financial realities start to take shape. Regular income slows, health expenses rise, and the margin for error narrows. The focus of any conversation with parents is not on stretching returns. They’ve already done that work in their prime earning years. At this stage, ensuring stability matters way more than higher yields.
What really counts is security, knowing that their wealth will support their lifestyle without creating dependence. It is about how resilient those resources are in practice: whether they can fund monthly expenses comfortably, absorb a sudden medical bill, or remain accessible if one parent is no longer around.
Here are the conversations worth having:
- Retirement comfort
Instead of asking how much they’ve saved, ask whether they feel their money will comfortably cover expenses for the next 20–25 years. Example: A ₹1.5 crore corpus, if drawn at ₹75,000 a month with 5% inflation, can run out in just over 14 years. - Liquidity when it matters
Families often have crores tied up in property or fixed deposits, but struggle to pull together ₹10–15 lakh in a hurry. A single hospitalisation today can cost that much. With 8–10% medical inflation, the same treatment could cost ₹30 lakh in a decade. The question to ask: “If we needed money quickly, how would we arrange it?” - Healthcare preparedness
Many parents underinsure or rely on corporate cover that disappears post-retirement. Asking “If something unexpected came up, do you feel covered?” opens the door to review policies and create a buffer for rising medical costs. - Estate clarity
The most difficult but essential talk. What happens if one parent passes away? Does the other know where the assets and accounts are? Is there a will in place? (We explored wills and succession planning in detail in an earlier newsletter — this is where it all ties in.)
The age-based conversation framework:
Not every financial conversation fits every age group. What matters most to parents in their 60s differs significantly from concerns at 80. Here’s how to tailor your approach:
Your money: resetting their expectations about your reality
If talking to parents about their money is uncomfortable, talking about your own can feel even harder. Many parents assume that by the time their children are in their 30s or 40s, they are financially “set,” i.e, earning well, saving enough, and free from big worries.
The picture of being “settled” often hides the reality: a large home loan eating into monthly cash flow, income that fluctuates with bonuses or performance, and the uncertainty that comes with building a business.
The key is to translate those pressures into simple terms they can understand. One way to approach this is to break it down into three buckets:
- Obligations – The fixed commitments that shape your lifestyle: EMIs, children’s education, or business investments.
- Income – What is steady and what is not. Parents often assume salaries are guaranteed, but the truth is that bonuses, variable pay, or startup equity can swing year to year.
- Risks – The safety nets you’ve built: health insurance, an emergency fund, or a side income stream. Showing them you’ve thought about risks reassures them you’re responsible, even if uncertainty exists.
By putting things this way, you are building understanding. Parents who see the true picture are less likely to set unrealistic expectations and more likely to support you as partners in long-term planning.
The Dezerv perspective: What we see in 500+ ultra-wealthy families:
Mirror the successful client data section from the children’s edition:
In our work with over 500 affluent families, we’ve observed three distinct patterns in parent-child money conversations:
The Avoiders: Never discuss finances until a crisis hits
These families put off money conversations for years, often out of discomfort or misplaced politeness. The result is that financial issues surface only under stress, when decisions have to be made in a rush. By then, the lack of preparation compounds the problem.
What we observe:
- Delay in accessing emergency funds
- Higher stress-related family conflicts
- Children make uninformed assumptions about parents’ financial capacity
- Parents underestimate children’s financial pressures
The Controllers: Parents maintain complete financial secrecy
Here, parents keep all financial details locked away, believing they are protecting their children. But this secrecy often backfires, leaving children unprepared for realities they eventually inherit. The absence of transparency can turn wealth into a source of confusion and conflict.
What we observe:
- Children discover financial reality only during inheritance process
- Majority experience “money shock” leading to poor immediate decisions
- Higher probability of family disputes over asset distribution
- Missed opportunities for tax-efficient wealth transfer
The Collaborators: Regular, structured family financial discussions
In these families, money is treated as a shared subject rather than a taboo. Parents and children hold regular discussions, update each other, and make joint plans. This collaboration builds confidence, reduces stress, and ensures everyone knows what to do in a crisis.
What we observe:
- Smoother wealth transitions across generations
- Better investment outcomes through combined wisdom and perspectives
- Lower family stress during financial emergencies
- Children make more informed career and investment decisions
Your next steps this week:
The first conversation starter: “Dad/Mom, I’ve been thinking about our family’s financial security. Not because anything’s wrong, but because I want to make sure we’re all prepared and comfortable. Can we spend 30 minutes this weekend discussing how we can support each other better?”
Then follow this simple action plan:
- Schedule a ‘family finance hour’ this weekend
- Choose a relaxed time where everyone can be present
- Start with 30 minutes
- Focus on one topic, not everything at once
- Ask one simple question to start: “What would happen if we needed ₹10 lakh in 48 hours?”
- This reveals liquidity without asking for numbers
- Opens discussion about emergency preparedness
- Shows you’re thinking about practical support
- Create a shared document with essential information
- Bank account details and locations
- Insurance policy numbers and agents
- Important document storage locations
- Key financial advisor contacts
- Medical information and preferred hospitals
- Set up quarterly family financial check-ins
The 1-month family finance challenge:
This week, I challenge you to have the first conversation. Start with care, not numbers. Ask about comfort, not accounts. And remember- every wealthy family that preserves wealth across generations had these conversations. The question isn’t whether to start, but when.
Share how your first conversation goes—I’d love to feature success stories in upcoming newsletters at sandeep.jethwani@dezerv.in.
In summary
Money conversations within families are rarely straightforward. They touch on pride, respect, and the unspoken belief that parents should shield their children from financial worries. But the truth is that silence rarely protects anyone. It simply defers decisions to moments of crisis, when emotions are high and clarity is low.
By making these dialogues part of family life, you create something much larger than financial order. You create continuity. Parents feel secure knowing their years of effort are understood and respected. Children feel trusted enough to share their own realities, instead of keeping them hidden. And the family as a whole builds resilience — clarity on where resources are, how emergencies will be handled, and how wealth will eventually transition.
It is important to remember that wealth is never truly individual. It is collective capital. One generation builds it, the next manages it, and the benefits are meant to flow across the entire family. Which is why these conversations cannot be seen as awkward confrontations, but as acts of responsibility.
The sooner we begin, the easier it becomes. A five-minute update at tax time or a simple question at the dinner table can do more for security than a thick pile of investment statements. Over time, the stigma falls away, replaced by comfort and clarity.
When families make money part of open conversation, it stops being a source of doubt or tension. Instead, it becomes what it was always meant to be: a source of dignity, preparedness, and togetherness.
Disclaimer – The information provided herein is intended solely for educational purposes. In this material, Dezerv has used information developed in-house and publicly available information and other sources believed to be reliable. All trademarks, logos, and brand names mentioned are used for identification purposes only and do not imply endorsement or recommendation.